Epic Layton Tales
by Clydell Humphries
Summary: These... are epic tales of epic awesomeness about epic people with epic hats. So let the epicness begin! A set of random Layton one-shots, written purely for your amusement. Any ideas for future chapters are welcome!
1. Xboxs and Tea bags

**Looking over some of the stories I've written lately, I've realized that I haven't written a pure-nonsense story for Professor Layton yet. Sure, occasionally I'll add in little jokes to my stories, but I've never done anything too crazy. So I've decided to do a **_**completely**_** crazy story that's full of randomness. So strap in your seat belt, here we go! First chapter of the Random Layton Tales!**

**I don't own Professor Layton of any of its characters :(**

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"Luke, my boy, would you like to solve this puzzle for me?" Professor Layton asked. When he got no reply, he turned to where the young boy was sitting. He stifled a sigh and continued with his puzzle alone, slightly annoyed.

Clive had just been released from jail, and with nowhere else to go, Layton had offered to let him stay at his house. Luke had been thrilled; Clive was like a brother to him. As soon as he had returned from America he had visited the prison almost every day until his release.

Clive had received a job as a low-key reporter, and with his income, he had brought Luke a _very_ expensive Christmas present.

An Xbox 360.

At first Layton had been unsure whether this would be a good idea. Luke was getting into his senior years and he would need time to study for exams. But Clive had promised him that they would only go on it every now and then for a bit of fun. And Layton did have to admit that all work and no play made Luke a dull boy.

Needless to say, the pair of them had been on it for almost three days in a row now. Not even the mention of puzzles could bring either of them out of their trance. Layton didn't know what to do. So he'd began trying to tempt them will the things they loved most.

"Luke, my boy, what is the same yet completely different object to an Xbox?" Layton asked. He waited for a reply and was slightly hurt when he received none. "You don't know? Well I'll give you a hint, then. The part when I said it's the same refers to the title. It's a play on words." Still no reply. He stifled another sigh. "Surely you haven't given up already? It's quite simple when you think about it." Layton looked at the two men one last time before giving in. "The answer is a T-bag, my boys. You see, 'x' and 't' are both letters, and both bags and boxes are able to hold things! Therefore they are the same, yet completely-"

"I got it!" Clive yelled, jumping into the air with excitement. Layton smiled, feeling triumphant. Finally, he'd gotten their attention.

"I did most of the work!" Luke protested loudly, pulling Clive back down. The Professor was confused; neither of the boys had said a thing to contribute to the puzzle.

"No way! I killed more than you!" Clive defended. The Professor sighed.

Well that failed. Now to his next idea!

"Luke, there's an injured bird outside!" he announced loudly. Usually Luke would be out of his seat right now, running to help the poor creature. But he didn't move. Layton's eyebrows furrowed; this was going to be trickier than he though. Time to resort to his last option. It was… ungentlemanly, to say the least, but hey! What other choice did he have?

"OH MY GOD! FLORA'S NAKED!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Hey!" Flora protested from the kitchen. He ignored her, waiting for a reaction. He got none.

Sighing, he sipped on his tea. He would have to try again tomorrow.

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**Next chapter will be up whenever I find the time. Also don't be expecting fast updates for this, it's only really for when I need a break from my main story. Is it random enough? Too random! God I don't know! It's up to you, my dear readers **** Oh, and I made up that puzzle about the Xbox and the T-bag XD I've been waiting for an opportunity to use it.**


	2. Who is Descole?

**Ok, I deserve a slap on the wrist for not updating. Sorry! Anyway, here's a random chapter for you. By the way, the game that Luke and Clive were playing on the xbox was Call of Duty XD**

**I don't own Professor Layton, Pokemon, or back to the Future :(**

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"Professor," Luke began, "Have you ever realized that we've never seen Descole and Don Paolo team up to try and kill us?" The Professor sipped his tea, thinking about it.

"You've brought up a good point, my boy." He admitted, "That is quite puzzling. I mean, they both strive to beat the crap out of me, after all. They might as well pair up to kill me."

"Us." Luke corrected, "Quit stealing the spotlight old man!"

"Why you little-" Layton began before being interrupted by the sound of smashing glass. He looked around in shock and met the eyes of Descole.

"Did somebody say my name?" he asked, hopping off his llama (that's right, he was riding a LLAMA).

"I did." Layton admitted, "We were wondering why you and Don Paolo haven't teamed up to try and kill me yet."

"Us." Luke corrected again. Layton sighed.

"I believe the game series is called 'Professor Layton', not 'Luke Triton'." He pointed out.

"The reason we've never teamed up," Descole began, "is because… I AM Don Paolo!" He pulled off his white mask, and to Layton and Luke's shock his whole face came off.

"What the heck?" Luke exclaimed, "Plot twist much?"

"Why didn't you just say who you were to start with?" Layton asked, "Seriously, we could have had the same villain for the first _and_ second trilogy, you know!" Paolo shrugged.

"We could have, but that would have just gotten boring." He explained, "Besides, I'm not really Don Paolo either."

"You're… not?" Luke asked in confusion. He shook his head, and suddenly he transformed into ditto, the shape-shifting Pokémon.

"Oh crud!" Luke exclaimed as the ditto transformed into Professor Layton.

"Luke, my boy," Professor Lay- I mean, Ditto said, "This scenario reminds me of a puzzle!"

"OH GOD NO!" Luke screamed.

"Why," the real Layton said, "This other scenario reminds me of _another _puzzle!"

"NOOOOOO!" Luke screamed. He looked through his satchel until he found an item. "Go, Gerald!" **(Just so you know, that's what I called my hamster from Prof. Layton and the Diabolical Box)** The overweight hamster stumbled out of the poke ball and looked around in confusion. "Eat them!" Luke commanded. Gerald nodded and opened his mouth wide. The two Layton's were sucked inside and chewed up. He let out a loud burp.

Luke jumped in the air, cheering. Finally, no more crazy adventures!

Suddenly, a bright flash of light illuminated the room. Standing before appeared a futuristic looking car. It opened up and out stepped a man with white hair.

"Luke!" he announced, "We have to go back to the future!" Luke groaned, getting into the car.

Why couldn't things just be normal for once?

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**I actually had a different chapter I was going to upload before this, but I had a brainwave and had to write this first. Next chapter: An epic battle between Luke and Flora.**


	3. An Epic Battle

**Next chapter is here! Thanks for all the reviews so far guys, you're awesome! And sorry for the slow update, school just got back so things have been really busy :(

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**

Luke was sitting on the couch, bored. Clive was on an archaeology trip with the Professor, which meant he was home alone.

Well, almost.

In the other room, making dinner, was Flora. But she was no fun, Whenever he suggested they play a game, or do something remotely exciting, she would fix him with an icy glare and say in a huffy voice, "Maybe I _would_ have time to play, if _somebody_ would help me with all this housework!"

It wasn't Luke's fault he didn't want to sit around all day cleaning! Although the Professor would have said it was the duty of every gentleman to assist a lady, he had better things to do.

Besides, the Professor wasn't there, was he?

"Luke!" Flora's voice rang through the house, "Can you come and test this for me? I'm not sure if it's cooked enough!" Luke wrinkled up his nose in disgust. Taste Flora's cooking? Now that certainly wasn't in the job description of being a gentleman!

He thought for a few moments. If he told her yes, he would have to go and taste the revolting… whatever it was. But if he said no, she would get offended, and he would end up feeling guilty about it later on.

So he decided not to reply at all. Soon Flora came around the corner, holding the spoon with the disgusting gloop on it.

"Luke," she repeated, "didn't you hear me? I asked if you could taste this for me!" He shook his head.

"No, I didn't hear you." He lied, looking ahead. There was a silence between them.

"Will you taste it please?" she asked, approaching him, "I think I might have accidently put salt in instead of sugar… or perhaps it was curry powder instead of flour…"

"GET THAT AWAY FROM ME!" Luke shrieked, backing away unsteadily. Flora's face twisted in rage.

"Luke, stop making a huge fuss over it all and just taste it!" she demanded, taking another step forward. Luke began to panic, and he immediately rushed out of the room and into the kitchen.

It was a mess! There were pots and pans everywhere, all of the covered in a green gloop. Luke wrinkled his nose in disgust; he was now well and truly afraid of tasting the meal. Flora entered, an expression of fury on her face.

"Luke, just taste the damn meal!" she threatened. He looked around him in panic, picking up the nearest item he could find. A wooden spoon.

He grinned evilly, holding it up in a fighting position. Surely he would be able to defend himself with it easily; Flora only had a small metal one, after all. She looked at him in shock, sighing lazily.

"Luke… you really think you can stop me?" she asked, laughing. She opened one of the drawers and took out a large butcher knife. Luke's smile faded, replaced with a look of panic. She wouldn't, would she?

Of course she would. It was Flora.

She took another step forward and raised the knife.

"Taste the meal, Luke." She threatened. He shook his head stubbornly, clutching the knife with two hands.

"Never!" he declared. Flora brought the knife down, and in one swift movement he blocked it.

But, as wooden spoons tend to do when people use them to defend themselves from butcher knives, it broke in two, leaving Luke standing there in shock. Flora smirked.

"Open wide!" she said, the spoon coming dangerously close to him. Luke leaned as far away as he could, and his back came in contact with a big, bulky item. He looked behind him, curious, and found that it was the electric beater. He picked it up and switched it on. The beaters spun around quickly, and Flora stepped back hastily. Luke grinned; the tables had turned.

"Give it up, Flora!" he said triumphantly, "I hold all the cards!" She pulled a face.

"I'll tell the Professor!" she said feebly. Luke's smile broadened.

"But who is he going to believe?" he tested, "Me, his trusted apprentice, or you, some girl he had to adopt just because he solved a mystery! Besides, I was here for the prequel as well!" He lunged at her, holding the beatings tightly. The knife got caught in them, pulling itself out of Flora's grasp. It spun across the room and landed promptly on a picture of Bill Hawks' head.

Flora gasped in shock, quickly fleeing the room. Luke grinned, turning off the beaters. He was safe, for now at least. Of course, since the beaters needed an electric cord to work he could only stay in the kitchen. But that was a small price to pay if it meant he didn't have to endure tasting Flora's food.

A few minutes later, he heard the tell-tale sounds of somebody coming down the stairs. He listened carefully, wondering what had made Flora leave the safety of her room.

He saw her peer around the corner, an evil smirk of her face. She jumped out, holding a familiar item in her hand.

Her portable hair straightener.

Luke's eyes went wide. He knew from experience that the hair straightener was _hot_. When Flora had somehow convinced him to let her do his hair, she had accidently let it touch part of his ear. Luke still hard the burn mark.

In fact, the straightener could probably melt the beaters, it was so hot!

"Try the meal, Luke." She said, pushing the spoon towards him. In panic he slammed the beater down on it, turning it on full blast. The goo splattered everywhere; and I mean everywhere. Soon the kitchen was covered in it, as well as Luke and Flora. The beaters' force seemed to have made it multiply!

Unfortunately, they had both made the fatal mistake of opening their mouths in shock as all this happened, and as a result…

"Oh _yuck_!" Flora exclaimed, spluttering, "This is gross! What did the beater do to it, Luke?" Luke didn't bother replying. He simply sighed and crossed his fingers, hoping the goo had ruined Flora's hair straightener.

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**Again, sorry for the slow update, as well as any spelling errors. I am currently sleep deprived, so my brain doesn't seem to be working too well... :/**

**Question; Do portable hair straighteners even exist? I have no idea :P Also, I'm thinking about changing the title to _Epic Layton Tales_, it would fit the summary better. I would like your thoughts on that, people! **


	4. Cats and Tacos

**Before I am flamed for such a crap/short/badlywritten chapter, let me explain first. If you've been following me on deviantART, the you'll know that I've been sick all weekend (like, really sick), so I haven't been able to update either my art or my writing. And I don't wanna leave you guys hanging, so I decided to upload this. It was part of a meme that I did in a journal post, but I've added to it to make it a bit more… betterer? So hopefully you'll like it, even though it's total sh**e. I did want to update KLA (Kaity's Lost Aunt), but I don't have the strength or will power to do so. This is easier for me. And again, sorry in advance.**

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Don Paolo and Chelmey were sitting in a prison cell together. There was an extremely awkward silence between them.

"Why am I here again?" Paolo asked eventually. Chelmey sighed, turning to the mad scientist.

"Because you stole my cat." he replied bluntly. "Poor little Mittens…"

"Well why are you here then?"

"Because I stole your cat, which was really MY cat." Chelmey explained, "So I shouldn't really be here at all, should I?" There was another awkward silence between them.

"Do you like tacos?" Paolo asked. Rather suddenly, too.

"Why yes, I _do_ like tacos" Chelmey answered, "Why do you ask?" Don Paolo put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a taco. It was truly beautiful, it had beef inside it, as well as some sour cream, grated carrots and cheese.

"Here you go." he said, handing the taco to Chelmey, "This is my apology taco, I'm sorry I stole your cat." Chelmey accepted the taco, beaming. He cut it in half with a chainsaw he found on the ground and gave one piece to Don.

"Let's share it because we're friends!" he said in a baby-ish voice. The two laughed and ate the tacos, not long before collapsing on the ground because it had been poisoned by Phoenix Wright.

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**Told you it was bad… and I had to add good ol' Nick into it, I've started playing the Ace Attorney games recently :)**


	5. Epically Owned XD

**Ok, I'll be honest here and say straight out that I don't really own the idea of this. I was on one of those facebook like pages and saw something along the lines of this, and I instantly thought of our dear Professor. And it's not so much random, per say. Regardless, I really hope you like it :)

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**

Rosetta made her way down the crowded halls of Gressenheller, trying not to bump into anything or anyone. She didn't want to ruin her perfectly ironed dress, or her hair that had taken over an hour to do.

Meh, what did it matter? Both would be ruined soon enough, regardless.

A few of the younger men tried to catch her eye as she bustled through the crowd, eager to get wherever she was going, however she paid little attention (if not any) to them. No, she only had her thoughts set on one man, and one man only.

Professor Hershel Layton.

And today, she found herself in a very tricky position. Tomorrow, she would be sitting an exam, perhaps the most important exam in her time at Gressenheller. She just _had_ to pass.

Finally, she reached the Professor's office. The somewhat familiar calving of a top hat seemed to stare at her, almost as if it wanted to tell her to go away. Rosetta paid no attention to the hat; what did it know, at any rate?

Checking her reflection in glass frame one last time, she knocked on the door.

"Come in!" a friendly voice called. Rosetta smiled, opening the door carefully. The Professor was sitting at his desk, looking through some work. He looked up, smiling kindly, but when he saw who it was his expression flickered ever so slightly.

"Hello, Professor." Rosetta said, putting on her best smile. He merely nodded.

"Good afternoon, Rosetta." He said in a somewhat tired voice, "I'm afraid I don't have any time for extra lessons today, I have some work that needs doing." She nodded quickly.

"Of course, Professor!" she said, laughing lightly, "I just needed to talk with you." She breathed in deeply; this was it. The make or break point.

Just as she practised, she made her way towards him slowly, letting her hand trail lazily against the bookshelf. She sighed before looking into his eyes deeply. "You know, Professor," she said, her voice sugar coated, "I would do _anything_ to pass this exam. Absolutely _anything_." Just for a moment, his eyes widened. However there was no change in his almost black expression.

"Anything?" he said after a long pause. Rosetta nodded, slightly surprised at how easy it was to hook him in.

"Yes." She confirmed, leaning over the desk and gazing into his eyes with lust, "_Anything_. Anything just for you, Professor." He smiled slightly.

"My dear Rosetta…" the Professor murmured, putting his head closer to hers, "Just for me… would you… study?"

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**Owned, Rosetta. Can anybody else see the Professor doing this, because I sure can! Next chapter of KLA should be up by tomorrow, hopefully. I feel really guilty for not updating it… :/ So that's my motivation XD**


	6. Attitude Adjustment

**If people like this chapter, there will be more like it. It's basically what I would possibly say if I were in Layton or Luke's place in the games :)**** Warning, major epicness on my behalf ahead :P This chapter is set during the Curious Village. I don't remember exactly what happened in the game, so sorry in advance :S

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**

**Layton/my POV:**

Luke and I made our way back to the inn, completely exhausted.

Honestly, all this walking about was just plain tiring! For God's sake, why had I even taken up this stupid Golden Apple request? We were just walking around in circles, almost literally. We'd been running around St Mystere since our arrival, searching for bloody cats and run-away servants.

And the puzzles? My God, people were completely mad with them! Why they seemed to think I _wanted_ to solve their petty problems was beyond even _my_ reasoning! One thing the papers always seemed to get wrong was my apparent love for puzzles. Honestly, I only solved Sudokus that were in the paper every now and again, just like everybody else.

Luke seemed completely unaware of my bitterness. We reached the inn at last, him bounding to open the door. I swear that kid had endless energy.

"Professor!" he said merrily, "Shall we go up to our rooms and make some tea?" I had to supress a sigh; just another thing the papers got wrong about me.

I hated tea.

"Sure, Luke." I said, barely trying to keep up the happy act. He beamed, opening the door.

"Professor!" a frantic voice called. I looked past Luke's astonished face and met the gaze of the distressed, overweight inn keeper, Beatrice. I had to fight off another sigh.

What was wrong this time!

"The guest we had earlier… he skipped out on the bill!" she said in an angry voice, "Not only that, but he left a _terrible_ mess in his room!"

'Sorry to disappoint you, miss, but I couldn't care less!' I said mentally. Honestly, these people would be the death of me!

"How rude!" Luke said in shock, "Isn't that right Professor?" I nodded absent minded, wondering if I should have told Beatrice that it was me who stole her last piece of chicken from last night's dinner.

"Yes, how awful." I said with even less enthusiasm than usual. She nodded vigorously.

"I should show you his room, shouldn't I?" she said briskly. Before I could reply, she motioned for me and my self-proclaimed apprentice to follow her.

I expected to be lead upstairs to a space similar to the one that Luke and I were staying in, however I was surprised when she opened a downstairs door. I peered into the room, realizing that it was a complete mess. That wasn't the fact that angered me.

I was angry because it was a _room_.

"What the heck is your problem!" I exploded, glaring at Beatrice. She looked taken aback.

"Whaaaaaaaaat?" she said in shock.

"This guy came to the inn after myself and Luke, correct? So why did you give him a proper room, instead of offering it to me and Luke! We've been cramped in an _attic_ for Christ's sake! I don't even have a bed!"

"I had to give you guys the attic!" Beatrice said in self-defence, "If I hadn't then you wouldn't have had another mini-game to complete!"

"WE COULD HAVE ONLY HAD TWO, YOU KNOW!" I thundered, "DO YOU KNOW HOW ANNOYING IT IS TO FIGURE OUT WHICH BLEEPING PUZZLES I HAVE TO COMPLETE TO GET THE DAMN FURNITURE?"

"Which bleeping puzzles _we_ have to complete." Luke piped up. I sighed, pinching the bridge of my noise.

"Didn't you learn back in chapter two, Luke?" I asked in a tired voice, "The gaming series is called 'Professor Layton'. If it were called 'Luke Triton' then I would have some form of respect for you. But since it isn't, that respect is non-existent. Are we clear?" Luke mumbled something about me being a stubborn know-it-all before nodding. I turned back to Beatrice.

"Seriously, I'm bailing." I announced, "This game is getting too damn frustrating, and I can't access the online walkthrough because my Internet is down. So long, everybody!"

I quickly took some curtains, the wooden pole attached to them, a chair, and a curved piece from a large globe that I randomly found and made a hang glider, which I then used to escape St Mystere for good :)

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…**so, what do you think? Was putting me in Layton's position good or bad? Should I do more chapters like this or not? It's up to you guys; you're my readers after all.**


	7. Mixing Fandoms

Phoenix Wright finished writing up his paperwork. He leant back into his chair, letting out a satisfied sigh.

Suddenly, Maya burst into the room, closely followed by Pearl. What's more, they were dressed as unicorns.

"Nick!" Maya screeched, dancing the Macarena, "We gotttttttta solve some myyyyysterieeeeeees!" Phoenix slapped his forehead.

"I'M JUST A LAWYER, DAMMIT!"

**(Woops, wrong story! Sorry, my bad)**

Harry, Ron and Hermione made their way back up to Hogwarts, closely followed by Dobby and Hagrid. A shrill scream was heard throughout the air.

"What on Earth was that!" Ron exclaimed. Suddenly, the basilisk crashed out from under the ground, thrashing about violently.

"What the hell!" Hagrid bellowed, "Harry, you told us that you killed that thing!" Harry shuffled around uncomfortably.

"Well, about that…" he began.

**(Again, wrong story. Third time lucky?)**

Edward and Bella-

**(No. Just, let's not go there. Ok, I think I've found it now…)**

Flamingos! Tacos! Cheese! Baseball! Grapefruit! Paperclips! Pancakes! Pickle! Objection! Camels!

**(Don't bother asking me what that was… ooh! I found it now!)**

Professor Layton, Luke, Clive and Flora were all sitting down, eating dinner.

"Hey!" Flora complained, "Why was my name stated last!" Everybody looked at her, having no idea what she was talking about.

Suddenly, Maya burst into the room, closely followed by Pearl. What's more, they were dressed as unicorns.

"Professah!" she yelled, "Me and Pearly are camels! We gotta solve some myyyysteriiieees!" He slapped his forehead.

"I'M JUST A PROFESSOR, DAMMIT!" he said somewhat helplessly. Phoenix Wright entered the room, holding a pickle.

"Objection!" he announced. Everybody waited for him to continue on, however he merely picked up the newspaper and began reading an article about flamingos.

"What was that about?" Luke asked, "Can't we go one day without having something abnormal happening?" The Professor shook his head.

"Don't blame me, my boy. Blame the fan-fiction writers."

"Whaaat?" Luke asked, his mouth full of grapefruit.

Suddenly, a basilisk crashed out from under the ground, thrashing about violently.

"For Godness sake, Harry!" Hermione scolded, "You should have told us about this earlier, really! It's bad enough getting the muggles involved, but taking it to a _completely_ different fandom is just unnecessary!" Harry threw a baseball bat at her, almost at the verge of tears.

"Look," he said in a frustrated voice, "I have _a lot_ on my mind right now, and you're not helping the situation at all!"

"Leave him alone, Hermione!" Hagrid said, handing Harry a pancake, "It's not his fault, he thought that the cheese method of killing a basilisk would work!"

"Which imbecile wrote that book, anyway?' Dobby asked curiously. Ron sheepishly raised his hand.

"My bad."

"CAN'T WE JUST EAT DINNER IN PEACE!" Clive screamed, throwing his taco to the ground in anger, "Honesty-"

Edward and Bella appeared to the scene, holding a giant paperclip.

"Guys," they began, "Things are _so_ much better when you're a vampire."

"Gerald!" Luke commanded, "Eat them!" The giant overweight hamster did as he was told, gobbling up the tasty (?) meal. Everybody let out a sigh.

"Thank goodness that's over!" Flora said, smiling with relief. Not long after, her and Luke were kidnapped by Dahlia Hawthorne and held ransom for a giant diamond.

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**Hopefully that was random enough for you :)**** DAHLIA HAWTHORNE FTW! Gotta love her, right? ;) Oh how I love mixing fandoms… :D**


	8. Drag Queen

**Huh… when's the last time I updated this? It feels like a while… sorry!**

**Also, this chapter is dedicated to rAwrXdiNo3, who gave me the title, 'Saving Sam' for a competition I ran in another story. As her prize, she got to give me a prompt for a Random Layton Tale. It was…**

**LAYTON AS A DRAG QUEEN!**

**So here we go! Lizz, I hope this meets your expectations! Also, I'll be using my OC from KLA (now Saving Sam) in this fanfic. Her name is Kaity. You don't really need to know much about her, only that she's from the future, Flora's best friend and currently living in the Layton household.**

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The good Professor sat at his desk, sipping on his tea. He sighed, discarding the monster of a puzzle he had previously been working on.

It was no use; his mind was amok. The last thing he could think about right now was puzzles.

He leaned back in his chair, putting his fingertips on his temples. He attempted to stop the flow of thoughts that were rushing into his mind, none of them puzzle related.

"Stop it, you fool!" he hissed, picking up a pen and vigorously began marking students' work. He managed to get two questions corrected before he threw the pen down violently.

"It's not bloody fair!" he cried, curling up into a little ball and sobbing uncontrollably. He cried more than Luke when Flora accidently burnt his ear with her hair straightener.

In truth, dear Hershel had never wanted to become a Professor. In fact, he had a much more… interesting, career in mind. It had taken _a lot_ of persistence on his parent's behalf, as well as Lando and Claire's, to make him change his mind.

He'd wanted to be a drag queen.

Once his miniature tantrum had stopped (not before he'd destroyed an antique vase, a few valuable fossils and Luke's pet hamster, Gerald), he sat back down in his chair, thinking things over. And suddenly, an idea clicked into his mind.

He tried to push it away, but he just couldn't. The idea sat in the centre of his thoughts, almost as if it was taunting him. Eventually he gave into the temptation. It was now or never, after all; Flora, Kaity and Luke were all at school.

He stealthily made his way into the girl's room, shutting the door behind him. He opened Flora's wardrobe, carefully looking through all her belongings. He pouted, realizing just how bland they were.

His gaze turned to Kaity's side of the closet, which only had one of two articles in it. His eyes lit up when he noticed a pale yellow dress, the same one she'd come into the past with. He took it off the coat hanger, examining it lovingly.

It was short, but not too short. She'd managed to remove the bloodstain from it, an unfortunate occurrence from when she first arrived in the past. It looked perfect.

He quickly got changed, taking off his hat, coat, shirt and trousers before slipping the yellow dress over his head. It was a little tight, truth be told, but it would do. He looked in the mirror, sighing happily at his reflection.

"_Don't I just look _dashing, _Hershel!_" he said in an overly high pitched voice. He giggled girlishly before realizing that he'd forgotten something of utmost importance.

Makeup.

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An hour later, the Professor was completely covered in lip gloss, eye liner and mascara, making him look slightly like a clown. He'd even managed to lodge some hair curlers into his hair, nicely adding to the effect. He (or should I say she?) smiled widely into the mirror before hearing a knock on the door.

He froze, eyes wide, and looked at the clock hanging on the wall.

_3:45._

The children would be arriving home now.

"OH S**T!" he blurted out, completely forgetting his manners. He heard the door downstairs open and close, as well as the sound of footsteps rapidly approaching.

"Professor!" Luke chimed happily, "We're hooooooome!"

"_I'm in here, darling!"_ Layton called out before realizing what's he'd done. In a girl's voice, too. There was an eerie silence.

"Er… Professor?" Kaity called uncertainly, finally reaching the second floor, "Are you ok?" The doorknob turned, and slowly the door swung open.

The Professor froze, staring at the small crowd in front of him. It wasn't just the children who were there, but Doctor Shrader and Remi as well. They all stared at him, open mouthed, before anybody spoke.

"U-u-um…" Remi stuttered, turning a deep shade of red, "I was just dropping off some files… to get in contact with Kaity's family and all… I'll be leaving you to it." She quickly fled the scene.

"H-Hershel, my… er, _boy_!" Andrew said, "Just stopped by to see how you were going… and to inform you that your annual Professor's check is coming up. You know, to see if you're suitable to continue as a Professor at Gressenheller. I'll… leave you to it, then." He shuffled awkwardly out of the room.

Flora and Luke burst into tears, quickly following Doctor Shrader out. Kaity stood there, her expression of shock slowly changing. Her jaw clenched, and she advanced on the Professor.

"Take. Off. My. Dress." She said through gritted teeth, "_Now._" The Professor did as he was told quickly, not wanting her to begin yelling. Kaity snatched it off him, continuing to glare.

"You know, Professor," she began, a hint of fake sweetness and sarcasm in her tone, "you'd make a _very_ convincing woman."

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**Really hope you liked it :)**** Lizz, did I do well?**

**Also, next chapter will be the last. More info on my profile. Basically I have to wrap this up quickly so I can more on to other things without feeling the pressure of having to update. I hope you've enjoyed Epic Layton Tales! Yes, I changed the title :D**


	9. Attitude Adjustment 2

**Remember a few chapters ago (chapter 6) when I wrote about what I would do if I were in Layton or Luke's position? Time for another one of those chapters! Set in the 3****rd**** game.**

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**Layton's POV:**

Oh, come on! This couldn't get any more unrealistic, could it?

My car had unlogically turned into a plane. Which I was now in charge of flying.

"Wow! We're actually flying!" Luke exclaimed, "Can you believe it?"

"No shit… _idiot_." I muttered under my breath. Thank God this would all be over soon. I tried to position the plane so it would descend downwards, but instead it lurched, causing everybody to panic.

"Um… Professor?" Luke asked, "When exactly did you learn how to fly a plane?" That was a question that I wondered myself. I was surprised that we hadn't fallen to the ground by now, my car tearing apart and burning. Then the impact of hitting the ground would cause all of our brains to explode, except for Luke's and Bill Hawk's, because they didn't even _have_ brains. They would then feast on our gooey insides, licking their lips as they did so. After that they would drag our lifeless (and surprisingly empty) bodies to a cliff, but would they push us off? Nope, the torture wouldn't end there. They would tie us together by our arms and legs, then throw us to the other side. Afterwards they would walk across us like a bridge.

But the most terrifying part was yet to be revealed. After Luke had made it across, he would quickly and silently lean down, take off my top hat and _put it on his head._

"Professor?" Luke asked, pulling me out of my trance. I glared at him, expecting him to smash my head in with a watermelon any second now. I sighed, remembering his question.

"_Of course_, Luke." I said sarcastically, "I know how to fly a plane! While you turned away for that split second earlier, I quickly read a manual and passed my flying test."

"Really, Professor?" he said in amazement. I rolled my eyes; perhaps I was too light on the sarcasm.

"I was kidding, you dumbass hat-thief!"

"Huh?"

* * *

After that, I had to go back to the mobile fortress and rescue Celeste, because she decided to go save Clive for some reason. Then we all went back to a safe area, where he got arrested.

"You're seriously gonna arrest him?" I protested, "But… he's innocent! If you ask me, the guilty one is Bill Hawks!" Chelmey sighed, taking me the side.

"You see, Layton," he began, "we can't arrest him, because he's a thoughtless prick and would deny everything. We have to arrest _somebody_ though, and Clive was in the wrong place at the wrong time. If you have a problem with Bill Hawks, then put him in a fanfiction story and _make him die!_"

"B-but you can't arrest him!" I objected feebly, "He's… he's too sexy!" Chelmey looked at me as if I was mad.

"You mad bro?" he said typically.

"There's this law… that, uh… if you're _too_ sexy, you can't go to prison!" I lied quickly. He studied me closely before giving in.

"Alright… but just this once!" he said, taking the handcuffs of Clive, "I don't know any laws anyhow, so you're probably right.

"Boo yah!" Clive exclaimed, jumping out and kissing Luke. I looked at him, wondering how he could be attracted to a dumb, idiotic hat thief.

"Hey! I did all the work!"

"Who's the hottest guy on the planet?" Clive yelled at the top of his lungs, "MEEEEEEE!"

Phoenix Wright appeared out of nowhere, shaking his head.

"OBJECTION!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, pointing at Clive, "I would like you to recall what the witness said earlier on. He claimed that the defendant was, 'too sexy'. Yet the accused himself said just now that he was the 'hottest guy on the planet'. I see a clear contradiction! BEING SEXY AND BEING HOT ARE **NOT** THE SAME THING!"

"AHHHHH!" Clive yelled, hiding behind Luke.

"Oh come on!" I screamed, "_Being sexy and being hot are not the same thing_! Next you'll be telling me that Celeste is actually my long lost love, Claire!"

There was an awkward silence.

* * *

**The end?**

**Na. I've given in. I love this story to damn much to end it just because I'm leaving for a while. So I've decided to put in on hiatus until I'm ready to continue again. Which I warn you, it won't be any time within the next 3-4 months. Sorry! You'll have to entertain yourself some other way for the time being… might I suggest watching some anime? There's a heck of a lot to choose from, and half of it isn't too bad…**

**Alternately, you could perform various tests on a pickle. Or even better; take up sky diving. Sky diving sounds fun :)**** Maybe you could create a long and elaborate death-threat and send it to me to 'motivate' me to write.**

**Or, you could just sit there and play the waiting game until I post the next chapter. Have fun!**

**~Clide**


	10. PL and the Song of Death

**Hey guys! Long time, no see, huh? Since you probably just want to read the chapter, I'll leave the explanation till the ending authors note :)**

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The Song of Death.

That's what the media had been calling it. A tune that supposedly had the power to _kill_ a person when they merely listened to it. Of course, nobody believed this at first, the thought was simply preposterous! However, once people began dropping like flies, it made many rethink their claims.

Perhaps it was true… perhaps there really _was_ a song that had the power to kill.

This had greatly piqued Flora Reinhold's curiosity. A song that could kill? Sounded interesting! She knew that her father-like figure had been assigned to the case (along with Luke), making top secret information regarding it almost _too_ easy to access. It was merely a matter of logging onto his computer (the password 'tophatsaresexierthanlukeROFL') and taking a peek at the files. And there, she saw the name of the song.

Overjoyed, she put it into itunes, downloading and syncing it to her pink iPod. Waiting anxiously, Flora thought through the matter. What if the sing really did kill her? Was the test worth conducting?

Pushing the thoughts aside, she played a game of naughts and crosses with herself until the iPod was ready.

It was time.

Unplugging it from the computer, she put in her headphones while scrolling through her music. She found the file in question and, taking in a deep breath, pressed the play button.

For a few seconds, all was silent. Then the song began. At first, it was just a nice little beat, which startled Flora. It didn't seem too bad… in fact, it was kind of catchy! She sighed and relaxed herself, wondering what all the fuss was about.

Then, distantly, she heard something. A voice, singing nothing in particular. Suddenly it got louder, and the words began.

Flora let out an ear-splitting shriek, collapsing to the group. She was shaking violently; what on earth was this? This awful… was song even the right word? It continued on, getting worse as time passed. Soon it got to the worst part, repeating the same word over and over.

What the person was saying made no sense to Flora, it was just so… urgh! Words couldn't describe it, it just wailed on and on! She began forming at the mouth, trying her hardest to make her hand move enough to pull out the earphones. The tune (if you could call it that) had gotten its peak, and Flora let out another shrill scream. She felt the darkness closing in on her, and her heart stopped beating, just as the song ended.

A few hours later, Professor Layton and Luke arrived home, only to find Flora dead in the study.

"Luke!" Layton yelled, feeling slightly faint. It's not surprising; after all, how often to _you_ come home to find you're adopted daughter dead?

Luke was less concerned about the fact that Flora was dead and more worried about the item in her hand; the iPod. He wondered if the Professor would let him have it, considered she _clearly_ wouldn't be using it anymore. He took it out of her hands, deciding that he would have to change the colour to blue somehow. Would spray paint work?

He unlocked it and looked at the song that was previously playing. His heart almost stopped when he saw the title.

"Argh!" he yelped in shock, almost dropping it.

"What is it, my boy?" Hershel asked. Luke was speechless, so he simply showed the iPod to the Professor. Layton took one look at the title before babbling nonsense and ninja kicking the item from the young boy's hand sending it flying across the room.

They both hugged each other, backing into the furthest corner away from it. The iPod landed on the ground softly. It stayed in the exact same position; nothing changed; not its position, nor the name written on the screen.

_Friday_, by Rebacca Black.

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**Hehe, I couldn't help it ;) Don't ask how I got the inspiration for this… I was procrastinating while I was supposed to be doing school work ^_^ Sorry to any Rebecca Black fans!**

**Ok, now for my explanation. Basically, editing sucks. Like, I just wanna throw it in the f**king bin, I hate it that much. So… um, I sorta gave up. I might go back to 'Spiritless' one day, but at the moment… bleh. I'm just not motivated **_**at all**_**.**** But don't think this means I'm coming back here for good, ok? I just had to write this while the idea lasted :P Plus… writing in general seems to be losing its appeal to me... D:**

**~Clide**


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